Product Placement

If I read one more line in one more review or one more comment bitching about product placement in the Transformers movie, I'm going to punch Lizett in the crotch. Personally I have no real beef with product placement anyway--I find it preferable to most traditional advertisements--but I can see how it starts to detract from the entertainment value of its vehicle when it becomes too gratuitous. Transformers, however, is based on a cartoon which existed solely to sell action figures. The irony of your bitchery is making my brain hurt. Two Transformers posts in a row combined with the fact that I'm mildly riled about something Transformers-related has already sealed my uber-nerdery, so I might as well dive in--the little silver dude was Frenzy, Nemo, and he did indeed exist in the original series. He was one of the cassettes who hung out with Soundwave.

I'm so very sorry and this will never happen again.

KABLAMMO!

Transformers rocked so hard my eyes started bleeding. Normally I accept the Onion AVClub as the word of God, but now I want to eat their kids. An hour straight of teen romance goofery? Did you miss the part where the badass special forces dudes fought gigantic exploding robots? The only part I could've done without was the "wacky" rosegarden scene, but since the movie was directed as much at 8 year olds as it was at nostalgic 20-somethings I'm more than willing to let it slide. I haven't enjoyed an in-theater experience quite so much since I saw Batman Begins. When Starscream transformed in midair, ripped apart an F-22, then transformed back and flew off I pooped a little.

Here's a couple poop stories. Dog ownership is both hilarious and disgusting. You know how dogs hunch over and look all guilty when they're about to poop? Well our dog is very short and very long, so he has to hunch even more than normal, and it's a whole production--so imagine, if you will, a hunkered down dog suddenly realizing it is at an unsatisfactory pooping orientation, desperately and inexplicably needing to rotate 90 degrees, yet unwilling to stand back up to do so. The result was a strange, guilty shuffle-swivel so awkward and hilarious if I fully explained it to you all your bones would explode. I've decided I'm not going to share the second poop story.

Stung

One of my coworkers came in late today because he was stung by a scorpion last night. He was just settling into bed when BAM! Stinger to the back! In the future I will be sleeping in a neoprene drysuit. A new one every night in case a scorpion crawled inside.

Meet Swarley II

We got a dog. His name is Dr. Swarlemagne VonBarkley III Esquire. He's a doctor AND a lawyer, and also we've decided to become one of those couples who give their dogs long pretentious novelty names. He's some sort of hound mix, and he has a runny nose. We call him Swarley. Behold!

The more astute reader may note that the name Swarley is already in use for my CRV, which is why I'm introducing the Official 2007 Animobile Renaming Contest. The winner will receive, for reals:

• Three 2007 US-American dollars
• A framed picture of ex-Swarley
• A coupon for 20% off your next purchase at Bed Bath & Beyond
• Your head on Chuck Norris' body in this blog

Or if all incoming suggestions suck I'll just come up with something awesome and put Lizett's head on Chuck Norris' body.

Check it out, the many moods of Swarley:

Hungry:

Cautiously Optimistic:

Fierce:

Murderous:

Sooooo Sleepy: