KABLAMMO!

Transformers rocked so hard my eyes started bleeding. Normally I accept the Onion AVClub as the word of God, but now I want to eat their kids. An hour straight of teen romance goofery? Did you miss the part where the badass special forces dudes fought gigantic exploding robots? The only part I could've done without was the "wacky" rosegarden scene, but since the movie was directed as much at 8 year olds as it was at nostalgic 20-somethings I'm more than willing to let it slide. I haven't enjoyed an in-theater experience quite so much since I saw Batman Begins. When Starscream transformed in midair, ripped apart an F-22, then transformed back and flew off I pooped a little.

Here's a couple poop stories. Dog ownership is both hilarious and disgusting. You know how dogs hunch over and look all guilty when they're about to poop? Well our dog is very short and very long, so he has to hunch even more than normal, and it's a whole production--so imagine, if you will, a hunkered down dog suddenly realizing it is at an unsatisfactory pooping orientation, desperately and inexplicably needing to rotate 90 degrees, yet unwilling to stand back up to do so. The result was a strange, guilty shuffle-swivel so awkward and hilarious if I fully explained it to you all your bones would explode. I've decided I'm not going to share the second poop story.