Awesome to the Max 2.0: Oose to the Max Pimpmobile

First up, we're buying a house. It's a manly house about a mile from my mom and my sister, and we're closing on the 14th.

Second, we are totally pimping out our new kitchen far beyond what we should reasonably be able to afford because the democrats are in power and they're throwing around free money like so much confetti. To all of you who got the $7500 stimulus last year which you now have to pay back--SUCKAAAAS!

Third, Ball's bachelor party. It was awesome, I'm assuming. Rocky has been banned from the city of Chicago, perhaps. There was this one really hot stripper, maybe. Ball had like 20 beers, or 30, or 3--I don't really know, I was asleep. Sorry dude--it turns out that buying a house, appliances, furniture, and paying for a quarter of tuition and two weddings all in one month is prohibitively expensive. I will be ready to rock on the 8th though. On the plus side, I got a lengthy voicemail from Vnak congratulating me on my similarities to female genitalia which should be worth quite a lot of money if he ever decides to run for president.

Fourth, the weddings. Ball on the 8th, and Merellowicz on the 29th. Sweet Jesus, AmyPawlowicz is such an outrageously happy person to begin with, I can't even imagine her on her wedding day...levitating down the aisle with...concentrated beams of joyous energy bursting from her ears like cartoon steam...each successive row of guests exploding as the jets overwhelm them...that's right, apparently the Merellowicz union is going to be bloodbath. You heard it here first.

So that's what we've been doing and what we'll be doing in the upcoming month. How've you chumps and chumpettes been?