Wednesday, October 19, 2005

REAL Ultimate Holy Power!

Getting tired of Catholicism? No? Shut up! Kelly Moore and I are starting a new church, the Jesus Is Savior of Man Church, and you should totally jine up! The primary duties of congregants will be smooth belly rubbing, highlife swilling, and the 3:30am consumption of Kraft Mac&Cheese. JISM church services will be held at CJs Pub, and our holy men and women will wear pirate masks and shout "I'm the captain!" until you just want to punch them. Mandatory $500 donation.

Haha, I've just made light of religion on the internet, and implicated Kelly Moore without her consent! Burn her! She's a witch!! Now to lose all my friends, get fired, and be forbidden to marry Kel. It was totally worth it.
posted by Mal at 2:58 PM | 6 comments (displayed below)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...
I will join. But I might not be able to make it to Mass (is it called Mass in JISM?) because I live so far away. Instead I will eat a decidedly less scrumptious East Coast cheeseburger.

11:01 AM, October 20, 2005  

Blogger Lizett! said...
If Scientology can make up a religion and have it be accepted by so many famous/rich people, you can make up a church that is accepted by awesome people.

11:11 AM, October 20, 2005  

Anonymous Anonymous said...
i am glad you are spreading our JISMatastic word, mal. but let me state now, for the record:

you may keep your friends

you may marry Kel

you just will have a perpetually full bladder and never be able to empty it

TAKE THAT! BAM!

Jism-Kelly has spoken.

now was that really worth calling me a witch? oh, yeah, and i cannot come to the TN game now that i have an appointment with the Roman Catholic Church to be excommunicated. thanks a lot, BENJAMIN!

1:49 PM, October 20, 2005  

Blogger Mal said...
Holy poop, you've revealed my true middle name! I mean...my fake middle name. My real one is Bjorn, as is commonly known. But if it WEREN'T Bjorn--such information would be strictly restricted to upper echelon members if JISM-C. Kind of like Xenu. Wait...not that much like Xenu.

2:13 PM, October 20, 2005  

Anonymous Anonymous said...
noone knows it was you. everyone is under the delusion that, yes, your middle name is bjorn. it is like madonna's kabalaballahawannahumpalot name is ester. your JISM name is benjamin. deal with it.

and in case anyone cares, there have been an unusually large number of helicopter fly-bys. quick trips between the white house and the VP's residence, no doubt. yeah, living in DC is interested. every G-D day.

2:21 PM, October 20, 2005  

Blogger Goat said...
Ahh, reminds me of the time Ball joined the Church of JISM and learned your JISM name. His world came tumbling down around him. Good times, good times.

To paraphrase Homer J.,
"Save me, JISM!"

8:30 AM, October 21, 2005  

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