I Smelled What The Rock Was Cooking

By now, many of you have heard the rumor that the Rock was at the Backer last night, along with Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise. What you may not have heard is that I was there too, and I whooped the Rock's ass. I was like, yo Rock, I challenge you to fisticuffs! He couldn't refuse. His ninja honor was on the line. We fought for 20 days and 23 nights, and in the end I punched him so hard he exploded.

He seriously is on campus. I hope he somehow reads the above, walks over to the Registrar's Office, and beats me savagely with his bulging pectorals. It would be a glorious death.

Celebrity rumors abound. Tom Cruise. Mel Gibson. The exploded remains of the Rock. That guy who played Jesus. Rudy. Montana. Bon Jovi. Springsteen. P Diddy. Okay, I started the P Diddy rumor.

Alright, I never even started it, I just said I was going to. And then never did. Until now. But he'll be here. Oh, he'll be here.

Campus is ridiculous. People are everywhere. They couldn't figure out where to park all the private jets that are flying in for this, they had to redirect to the next regional airport over. And why not? This is the biggest game...ever. If the Rapture were to come tomorrow afternoon, I'm pretty sure the ND Priests would use their combined priestly powers (which totally exist, as shown in the documentary Constantine) to postpone it until the game was over. And God would say--My bad.

My prediciton--

ND: Jesus
USC: That drunk guy who shat himself when I got arrested last year