No I Will Not Have A Threesome With You, Jesus

Well, my life is finally complete. I was walking through Jester this morning, a kind of mini student union I cut through on the way to work to soak up a couple minutes of precious air conditioning, and there was totally a guy break dancing in there. It's the first time in my life I've actually seen, in person, the move where the guy spins around on his head. That move amazes me, largely because I could never pull it off due to an oblong cone head resulting from a quintiple-dog-dare to "just bomb the shit out of that mogul"--roast in hell, Jesse Levine--but also because that has got to HURT. That's commitment to his art right there. His stupid, stupid art.

Last night was our first Pre-Cana session, a required Catholic marriage preparation course devised by a bunch of celibate old single men. Clearly I have not been looking forward to it, though I am kind of excited about the lecture on natural family planning just for the hilarity factor. Last night we took the ol' compatibility test, a 200 question ordeal raising such issues as "I consider sexual intercourse a way to experience God's love: agree, disagree, or undecided" and "I am comfortable expressing fears about what my future spouse may expect of me sexually" to which I put a BIG agree because you'd better believe I expressed some concerns over that harness system in the closet Lizett claims is a "ceiling-suspended lounge chair". There were also a couple of Sneaky Traps like "I believe our marriage will be free of conflict and disagreement as long as our love remains strong" so if ignorant buffoons fill in "agree" they can give a nice lecture about the Hard Times that are sure to crop up. Pretty clever, Catholic Church! So anyway, we're pretty much destined to come back completely incompatible, because Lizett surely filled in "agree" for all the ones about getting it on with God and I of course filled in "disagree" dark enough to cut through the paper. Fortunately I don't think you actually have to pass Pre-Cana to get married in the Church, you just have to take it, so a couple more sessions and I think we're golden.