I Am An Artist!

I used to make fork sculptures. Back in undergrad I destroyed so many dining hall forks I was personally responsible for at least 15% of the tuition hikes. And by destroyed I mean...transformed into something beautiful and glorious. I gave these embodiments of soul and wonder to my friends who all kept them forever and ever and had them encased in lucite to be displayed prominently in their homes, and certainly did not throw them in the trash days or hours after receiving them. Anyway, I thought I was pretty unique in my vision, but apparently Lizett went to the Museum of Modern Art in NYC a week or so ago and BAM--a fork sculpture exhibit! You all thought I was just needlessly destroying private property, but it turns out I was actually a genius, years ahead of my time. I wish I would have known that the time I got kicked out of Steak'n'Shake, I would've been like--Bitch!! Someday works like these will be displayed in the New York Museum of Modern Art, which is for some reason respected by a bunch of weirdos who call themselves the art community! You're going to jail.

I watched Constantine the other night. Freaking sweet. I really did not expect much from it, thought it looked pretty crappy in the trailers, so I was pleasantly surprised. I know, Keanu is supposed to be the worst actor ever, but fortunately I was born without the ability to detect bad actors, unless they're really bad, like local commercial bad, so I thought he worked well as an angry, badass exorcist. If you are not an easily offended fundamentalist Christian, I insist you see it.

Last night I was flipping through the channels and came across Fear Factor: Miss USA. Before I was able to escape, a scantily clad Miss Utah was like "As Miss Utah, I feel it is my responsibility to...show the other states that they are not the bomb. But I am." Wow. Your eloquence and dedication to Utah is an inspiration, as are your gigantic fake breasts, which are, by the way, the bomb.