Schreiber Beard Challenge 2007tothemax

It's that time of year when things start to get real itchy and not a little horrifying: THE 2007 Schreiber Beard Challeeeeeenge!!! This is my year, baby. Eric had to drop out this cycle due to an irrational belief that keeping his job is more important than looking like a hobo for a month, so I'm already that much closer to first place. Plus the competition technically started Thanksgiving Day, but through the power of cheating I've already got over 3 weeks of man fuzz going (oh yes! I visited Lizett's family for the holiday with a week and a half of sparse, patchy growth). What sort of man would cheat in a competition who's only accolades are pride and honor? A desperate man. A sad, patchy, desperate man with nothing to lose. So now at over three weeks I'm already as hairy as I've ever been, and I've still got three more weeks to go. This is it, I can feel it in my translucent, preadolescent mustachio. This year when I finally shave it won't take my family the better part of a day to notice any difference. This year I will actually have enough of a base to carve a wacky, old-timey pattern on the day of my return to the civilized world. This year no snarky waitresses will tell me I "have something on [my] chin". This year Santa brings me victory.