So Long, Suckers!

I couldn't ask for too much more from our apartment management. Not only are they evicting the Chumpersons, they are relocating us to a new unit elsewhere in the complex to forestall any fear of reprisal for the outrageous offense of reporting the crime. I guess the manager talked to the "boy" as she called him, and the convo essentially went:

Manager: Did you enter another apartment through a locked door?
Boy: Yeah, my own key worked.
Manager: That's impossible.
Boy: Oh...then it was unlocked.
Manager: You already said it was locked.
Boy: He tried to punch my son!

Which is fair, because it's obvious to anyone who knows me that I respond to pretty much every situation by punching a 3 year old child in the face. Desperation is a stinky cologne, friend.