911 Lady Yelled At Me!
We decided to call the police on Friday just so later no one could say "Well why didn't you call the police?" It wasn't exactly an emergency situation so we just called our local department and left a message. They called back today and gave me a number I could call to file a report, and for some reason those people transferred me to 911, and let me tell you the 911 dispatcher was NOT happy.
Lady: 911 are you in an emergency?
Me: No, I'd like to file a police report. 311 transferred me.
Lady: Alright sir and what happened?
Me: Someone came into my apartment. Door was locked.
Lady: And when did this happen sir?
Me: Friday night, 7, 7:30.
Lady: <irritated> Sir why did you wait this long to call??
Me: I called our local police station that night, they just got back to me today.
Lady: <enraged> You don't DO that sir, someone breaks in, you call US!
Me: Well I didn't think it was an emergency, we know the guy, he's our neighbor.
Lady: <fuming> I don't care WHO it was, that happens again, you call 911!
Ahh!! Why are you yelling at me!! I'm getting very tense!! Anyway, the report is filed. Apparently it counts as a home burglary even though nothing was taken because he broke in. Lizett talked to one of the cops from the local department and he said nothing would come of it because we can't prove he came in intentionally (his story is that he thought it was his apartment and his own key worked; management says that's impossible...comforting) but at least it's documented, so now...something.
In better news, I'm all decked out in my new monkey outfit today, which is awesome. My shirt says "It's Hard Out There For A Chimp" and it has a picture of a wizened old chimpanzee with deep knowledge and sadness in his eyes. My underoos have a picture of an angry gorilla on the front with the words "Its Monkey Time" [sic] emblazoned across the derriere. As a primate enthusiast this offends me--a gorilla is a great ape, not a monkey--but as a lover of monkeys I'm just flat out PUMPED about how freaking HARD my boxers rock. If anyone caught the irony that I called it a monkey outfit and chimps aren't monkeys either, you're a huge nerd. I'm looking at you, Haines'.
Lady: 911 are you in an emergency?
Me: No, I'd like to file a police report. 311 transferred me.
Lady: Alright sir and what happened?
Me: Someone came into my apartment. Door was locked.
Lady: And when did this happen sir?
Me: Friday night, 7, 7:30.
Lady: <irritated> Sir why did you wait this long to call??
Me: I called our local police station that night, they just got back to me today.
Lady: <enraged> You don't DO that sir, someone breaks in, you call US!
Me: Well I didn't think it was an emergency, we know the guy, he's our neighbor.
Lady: <fuming> I don't care WHO it was, that happens again, you call 911!
Ahh!! Why are you yelling at me!! I'm getting very tense!! Anyway, the report is filed. Apparently it counts as a home burglary even though nothing was taken because he broke in. Lizett talked to one of the cops from the local department and he said nothing would come of it because we can't prove he came in intentionally (his story is that he thought it was his apartment and his own key worked; management says that's impossible...comforting) but at least it's documented, so now...something.
In better news, I'm all decked out in my new monkey outfit today, which is awesome. My shirt says "It's Hard Out There For A Chimp" and it has a picture of a wizened old chimpanzee with deep knowledge and sadness in his eyes. My underoos have a picture of an angry gorilla on the front with the words "Its Monkey Time" [sic] emblazoned across the derriere. As a primate enthusiast this offends me--a gorilla is a great ape, not a monkey--but as a lover of monkeys I'm just flat out PUMPED about how freaking HARD my boxers rock. If anyone caught the irony that I called it a monkey outfit and chimps aren't monkeys either, you're a huge nerd. I'm looking at you, Haines'.
Post a Comment
12:46 PM, June 12, 2007
#14 all-time greatest Doozer moment:
<shouted across crowded mall corridor>
"HEY LIZETT, YOU LIKE JISM RIGHT?"
12:56 PM, June 12, 2007
Post a Comment