Easy Money

Firstly, if you are Hispanic and your name is Mallory it is important that you contact me immediately. I am willing to pay twenty-three 2006 US American dollars for written proof of your existence. Or anecdotal proof. Or you could just say you've met some Hispanic chick named Mallory, yes, that should do nicely. Or maybe I myself will comment "Hola!" as "Mallory" and spend the $23 on beer and twizzlers.

Secondly, I watched Training Day the other night, and it was pretty good so I've been occasionally thinking back to some of the scenes, and for some reason I keep picturing the crooked cop as Samuel L. Jackson. I'm the whitest of white guys so I know it sounds like I'm an ignorant chump who can't tell black actors apart, but the much sadder truth is I'm just unhealthily obsessed with Samuel L. Jackson. And come on, Denzel can't hold a gun to a cop's head and make him smoke PCP, and he sure as hell can't rough up Snoop Dogg. I mean, he was pretty badass in Crimson Tide, but he was fighting to prevent nuclear war, not threatening to castrate crackheads for sport. This role was built for Samuel L, I tells you. Denzel as a crooked cop is like Bob Newhart playing a rapist. Or Martin Short. Which he did.

Thirdly, I am out of here tomorrow at 6:15am, which means I need to be at the airport at 5:45, which means I really need to be up at 4:45, which sucks tiny lizard testes.