The Ultimate Carlton Dance-Off

We went to BW3 last night for dinner and Ball downed 4 big dogs. That's key to the events that unfolded. Incidentally, when BW3 classifies their wings as hot, they actually mean hot. My whole system of classification has been thrown off by Hooters, which is apparently run by a bunch of pansies.

We headed out to Corby's afterward, and a few pitchers in, the subject of The Carlton came up. This is not as rare as you may think. "Do you know The Carlton?" Ball asked Sarah the Bartender. "Oh I KNOW The Carlton!" Sarah the Bartender replied. "CARLTON DANCE-OFF!!" Ball challenged Sarah the Bartender. Foolishly, she accepted.

I'm not gonna lie, Ball does a mean Carlton. Ball does The Carlton better than Alfonso Ribeiro. Ball's Carlton looks like this:

Have you ever seen a grown man do The Carlton in the middle of a crowded bar where no one else is dancing? It was something special. I thought surely the night had reached its peak, but I, too, was a fool, because Sarah the Bartender's turn was like nothing I had ever seen. More like:

No, having just watched that I take it back. That wasn't half bad. Sarah the Bartender's was like some sort of horrible seizure. Not only did she clearly have no idea what The Carlton is, she did not in fact appear to have any control over her arms or legs at all. I could do the Carlton better than this woman--I hope you realize what a powerful statement that is. And at least we knew what was going on! I just sat there wondering, what the hell could the other patrons be thinking right now? Then I thought, oh yeah. Bouncy bouncy bouncy.

In about 45 minutes I'm heading out of here and driving back to Columbus. Jan got me a ticket to the OSU-Minnesota game, and despite growing up in Columbus somehow I've never been to one, so that'll be cool. It's going to be the game of the year, baby! God knows the students will probably still riot. Scolson, you're on official notice, through the infallible notification method of posting on my blog: I will be in Columbus this weekend. And I will be ready to party. Actually that is the exact opposite of true, as I will be opting out of some Halloween goodness tonight to hang out with mommy, who is leaving town early tomorrow. How cool am I!?

Jan also snagged me a ticket for Jon Stewart Saturday night, who is apparently doing a show or at least some sort of performance in the Schott Saturday night. Yeah, I call it the Schott. I saw Eminem there once so I feel very "down" with the latest "lingo." Anyway, Jon Stewart is one funny son of a bitch so I'm definitely looking forward to that. Hey, you think he'll make fun of Bush? Because that would be fantastic.