The Game

I don’t have much to say about the game. I know it was painful for everyone, but I’d wager most of you weren't actually in the stadium sitting next to a rabid lifelong Michigan fan. I could actually feel the smugness and self-satisfaction radiating from him. It smelled like bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches.

After the game I fell asleep in my camping chair at the post-tailgate and woke up to the Rocky Raul love machine humping my face from both sides. That’s how you know who your real friends are...some people would just draw a penis on your face in that situation, but with these two, it's real life penis-to-face contact. Thanks fellas, you really know how to make a guy feel horribly, horribly violated. The point of the story is, as horrifying as that mental image may be--and there are pictures, so look forward to experiencing that glory for yourself--it felt like a sensual massage from some sort of hot female Jesus compared to the pain and horror of what I had already been through that day. It was that bad. Not USC bad, but bad.

In other news, I got my first bill from Cingular today--$656.18! Apparently in the act of signing up for a new contract, what I actually did was cancel three previous lines still under contract for the low low price of $175 each. I don’t remember signing three previous contracts with Cingular, nor cancelling them immediately after signing up for a brand new one, but it’s on my bill so it must be true. It would seem God does not want me to be happy with my wireless provider.