Beard Watch: Day 5

5 days in, and the Great Schreiber Beard Challenge couldn't be going better. I was walking around the mall this morning with a cup of coffee and people kept throwing change into it. "Merry Christmas," they'd say with pity in their eyes. "Things will look up! Surely they're working on a cure for whatever the hell is wrong with your face." Oh man, that story was so seamless! Go ahead, disprove it.

Yesterday I redefined the meaning of sloth by watching National Treasure, Dogma, Rounders, and two hours of Animation Domination in direct succession. God bless Sundays. The only time my heart rate crept above 3 beats per minute was when Señor Monkeyface delayed Family Guy by almost 20 minutes to tell us absolutely nothing new whatsoever about the war in Iraq. I really thought about raising my fist in the air and shaking it, but then I didn't do it.