Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Good God, I am so outrageously tired. I keep catching myself staring blankly at my screen, then realizing with a start that I've been doing it for the past five minutes. I don't know what's up. Delta kept me tied up pretty late last night, but it's not like I was digging trenches or anything. I was just sitting on my ass a few hundred miles south of where I normally sit on my ass. Maybe someone drugged me. Maybe it's the government. When I was pulling out of the airport parking lot last night, I rolled right through a red to make a left turn onto the main road. I'm sure I saw the light, I think my brain just interpreted it as the blinky stop sign kind. Then at ND Avenue I stopped for a green. I'm sure I saw the light, I must have just...totally lost my mind. At least it was icy out.

Wait, my madness started even before that. I totally threw $15 out with my tray at the ATL food court. Son of a bitch! There can be only one explanation. Lizett drugged my breakfast taco so she could beat me at trivial pursuit. It didn't work. I beat her 63 to -700,000.

One piece of parting advice before I collapse into a loose heap and drool on my keyboard for the next three hours. If you ever find yourself sleep deprived and behind the wheel, you must not listen to this song, jammin though it may be. You must trust me implicity in this matter. It randomly came on my iPod as I drove home for lunch and had roughly the same effect as a sodium pentothal injection to the jugular. I blinked and suddenly I was in Homer Simpson Sleepy Land, floating along on a road of pillows with warm inviting beds drifting past me in the other lane. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I surely would have driven into someone's living room, but a heavenly voice spoke unto me "No, it is not yet your time. You still have too many jokes to make about punch/kicking people in the face/gonads" and praise Allah, I somehow made it home. I sleep now.