As Long As Somebody Gets Wrecked--Even If It Has To Be Me

It started as an offhand remark made by either me or LB, spoken in response to one of the myriad situations in which one or the other of us completely wrecked ourselves in undergrad. It ended as more of a religion. If you've ever seen That 70s Show, you already have a solid understanding of the dynamic between LB and myself, only instead of "BURN!" the active word was "WRECKED!" Typical usage:

"Hey man, you gonna eat the rest of that cake?"
"I'm not, but I am really looking forward to throwing the leftovers in the trash."
"Wrecked!"

God knows how it started. I think it might have been because I used to leave my AIM sounds on all the time while the Box was trying to sleep. "I think I'll leave these AIM sounds on while you try to sleep," I'd say as I left for class, "It will amuse me." That was the other catch phrase, "It will amuse me." It was a justification for everything. Typical:

"I see that your CD is just about finished burning. I believe I'll fling it into the wall like a frisbee to see if it breaks."
"You asshole, why would you do that??"
"It will amuse me."
"Wrecked!"

Haha, that was back when CD burners were the brand new hot technology, and blank discs cost like a buck a piece. We must've burned through $50 of shattered plastic. I think it was around then that the concept of "tenfold" was born. One or the other of us had just watched Robin Hood, and in response to some malicious plan for amusement through wreckage, stated "If you proceed with this wreckage, I shall deliver it back upon you tenfold." Typical:

"I see you've finished with your 15 page term paper. While you're sleeping, I'm going to pepper it with disturbingly graphic sexual scenarios involving you, your professor, and a bull terrier. You'll never catch them all."
"You asshole, why would you do that??"
"It will amuse me."
"I'll tenfold you, I still have that recording of you saying you'd like to knead Crud's ass like warm pizza dough."
"Wrecked!"

After a while it became an arms race. We were hatching elaborate schemes, most of which involved catching each other saying horrible, horrible things on tape. To this day Box pretty much owns my soul because of a certain mp3 file which strongly suggests I may have a thing for Al Roker.

But back to the original point--wreckings eventually became such a prominent source of comedy in our day to day lives that we stopped caring who actually got wrecked, just so long as someone did--even if it had to be ourselves. All throughout undergrad, I used to have a crush on this girl named EEE, which, sitcom style, resulted in a comedy of ludicrous self wreckings. Every party or social event, I'd somehow manage to say or do something so heinously awkward or inappropriate that I was sure she'd never speak to me again. Each time I'd laugh it off and go tell my friends, and each time I'd end with "Well, as long as somebody got wrecked--even if it had to be me." This pattern ultimately inspired the Beer Scoreboard, which--meh, this post is way too long. I'm out!