Neither Snow Nor Rain Nor Heat Nor Gloom Of Night Will Stay Me From Punching You In The Throat
I haven't been getting my mail lately. It took me a while to catch on--its been well over a month and still no check card, but I blamed that on NDFCU. I haven't received any bills or mortgage statements, but that, also, is not out of the ordinary. I apparently deal with a lot of incompetent companies. But when my Netflix rentals stopped coming...I knew something was awry. It turns out that my postal carrier marked my address as "vacant" for some reason, perhaps his own amusement, and has been returning my mail to the senders. But here's the awesome part--not all my mail. Just some of it. I'll still get the odd letter here and there, so it took me weeks to figure out that there was any problem. Why are you trying to destroy me, Postal Service Man? I went to the post office last night, and had the following awesome convo with the well informed clerk:
Me: Hi, I haven't been receiving my mail. Here's my address.
Clerk: (Disappears for 10 minutes)
Clerk: Yes, that address has been marked vacant.
Me: Oh. Well, I still live there. My roommate still gets his mail, too.
Clerk: Yeah, um...that address has been marked vacant.
Me: Oh...okay. Well, I still live there. Do you have my undelivered mail?
Clerk: No, nothing in the back.
Me: Ah. Well, there should be weeks of it. Could it be somewhere else?
Clerk: Um, I don't really know. I guess it could be.
Me: I will eat your children.
It went pretty much like that, only instead of threatening to eat her children I actually ran weeping from the office. You know, I just realized I stopped getting mail at roughly the same time my cell phone service stopped working. Why are You exacting Your divine retribution upon me, Jebus? Is it because I co-founded the Church of JISM? Ate all those puppies? Just tell me what to do! I must receive The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou! Also my check card would be great.
It's cold out. I had to scrape my car this morning. Donkey balls. In better news, Harry Potter comes out tonight! I likely won't get to see it for a while, since Kel has 80,000 exams coming up and Ball is seeing the midnight show with more vital people than I, but at least I can sleep secure in the knowledge that it's out there...waiting. Anyway, I don't really mind putting it off for a while--each day I don't see it is one more day I don't have to gaze upon the hideous visage of Rupert Grint.
Good God man, you're a troll!
Me: Hi, I haven't been receiving my mail. Here's my address.
Clerk: (Disappears for 10 minutes)
Clerk: Yes, that address has been marked vacant.
Me: Oh. Well, I still live there. My roommate still gets his mail, too.
Clerk: Yeah, um...that address has been marked vacant.
Me: Oh...okay. Well, I still live there. Do you have my undelivered mail?
Clerk: No, nothing in the back.
Me: Ah. Well, there should be weeks of it. Could it be somewhere else?
Clerk: Um, I don't really know. I guess it could be.
Me: I will eat your children.
It went pretty much like that, only instead of threatening to eat her children I actually ran weeping from the office. You know, I just realized I stopped getting mail at roughly the same time my cell phone service stopped working. Why are You exacting Your divine retribution upon me, Jebus? Is it because I co-founded the Church of JISM? Ate all those puppies? Just tell me what to do! I must receive The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou! Also my check card would be great.
It's cold out. I had to scrape my car this morning. Donkey balls. In better news, Harry Potter comes out tonight! I likely won't get to see it for a while, since Kel has 80,000 exams coming up and Ball is seeing the midnight show with more vital people than I, but at least I can sleep secure in the knowledge that it's out there...waiting. Anyway, I don't really mind putting it off for a while--each day I don't see it is one more day I don't have to gaze upon the hideous visage of Rupert Grint.
Good God man, you're a troll!
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