Bill Brasky Knockoffs

If you have ever doubted the Chuck Norris/Vin Diesel/Mr. T trifecta of badassery, please refer to some of my favorite facts:

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon. In his wisdom, he carved it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of attacking.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up.

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face.

Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.

On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

I'm Bill Brasky! SAY IT!!