The Spirit Lives

Oh man, I got an email yesterday that warmed my heart. It was from one of the SophTones who I'm afraid I can't place a face to, and he wanted info on a certain now-dead baritone tradition that once warmed the hearts of all baritones...with booze. The revival of the baritone flask! I don't know any of these kids anymore, and I can't say I care if any of the "traditions" (most of which were invented on the spot) of my day are carried on, but I am happy to see that the new generation is sticking it to the Man. Stick on, young 'Tones, and don't let the Man get you down.

I watched Rocky III again the other night. That movie is soooooo sweet for so many reasons. Number one in my book is the three intense, constipated grunts uttered by Clubber after shouting "I'm the heavyweight champion of the world!" The fact that the movie has Mr. T in it at all is freaking sweet, but to have him grunting like he's trying to pass a cantaloupe...genius, genius, genius! He had some other great lines, too. In fact, the writing for the whole movie was freaking awesome.

Clubber: My prediction? PAAAIIIN!

Clubber: I don't hate Balboa. I pity the fool!

Thunderlips: To all my love slaves out there: Thunderlips is here. In the flesh, baby. The ultimate male versus... the ultimate meatball. Ha, ha, ha!

Mickey: I seen wrestlers as big as dinosaurs. You ever fought a dinosaur, kid?
Rocky: Not lately.
Mickey: They can inflict a variety of damage!

Thunderlips: If I can't break your spirit, I sure as hell can break your back!

And so on. And just when you think it can't get any better--BAM! Homoerotic training scene featuring half length muscle shirts, close up crotch shots, and culminating in a glistening Rocky and Apollo frolicking and hugging in the surf.

Mr. T actually came to my middle school once. He gave a motivational speech. He took questions at the end and my friend Paco stood up and asked why he wears all those gold chains, and he goes "Cause I can afford em!" Then Paco said something about them making him look like a pansy or some such nonsense, and Mr. T said "See, your problem is...you just tryin' to be black!" which was hilarious, partly because it was such a bizarre response, partly because Paco did spend a fair amount of time trying to act like he was black. Apparently that's not okay to say though, even for Mr. T, because he later apologized to Paco at the behest of the school administration. Paco never forgave him, however, and ultimately grew up and released the song "Mr. T is a Bitch" which I am not making up and which I recommend you download right now. It is, I am confident you will agree, the worst song ever written.

And if you're wondering, yes, Mr. T did say "I pity the fool that don't stay in school!"