Coach Carter on DVD

For the past several weeks there has been a winter hat sitting on my kitchen table embroidered with the words "Coach Carter on DVD". Ball bought the movie a while ago, and apparently the hat came in the box set. Hilarious. I bet the promotional exec who came up with the idea actually said the words "The kids will love this!" In what situation would it possibly be considered appropriate to wear a "Coach Carter on DVD" winter hat? The second you walked out the door you'd be inundated with sarcastic compliments, and there would be nothing you could say. I, uh...I really liked Coach Carter. A lot. The DVD, not the cinema version. Maybe if the hat was for Masters of the Universe or something equally hilarious--I'd wear that, and brother, the compliments wouldn't be sarcastic. But Coach Carter? Anyway, if anyone wants it, like for an SYR gift or something, I will sell it to you for 58 cents. It's not mine, but I'll split the profits with Ball and I think he'll agree we came out ahead.

I'm still painting. People keep asking me "You're still painting?" I am indeed, and if you ask me again I'm going to paint a tattoo on your face. I've done lots of painting in the past, but just a room at a time, and it was always a family effort, each brother picking up some task and my Dad supervising the whole thing. We'd be done in no time. But doing a whole house yourself? Freaking...forever. You've got to remove all the fixtures, doors, hinges, bannisters, shelves...then spackle...then sand...then wash...then prime...then tape...then edge...then roll...then you move onto the woodwork and repeat the process, only this time you're crouching. Kel was a big help at first, but she's been gone the past two weeks. So I'm still not done, although it's getting close. All I've got left is the downstairs doors, the kitchen, and the bedroom closet, then I'm going to retire and spend my days sipping tropical drinks while nigh garmentless women fan me with palm leaves.