Today I Am A Man

Lizett and I are going to start trying for a baby. Holy crap wouldn't that be the most glorious 180 of all time? We've decided that despite the fact that we're not married and have no immediate plans to become so, Lizett is still in school, and I have insufficient income to start a family, I am nevertheless officially ready for fatherhood now that I've got a Louisville Slugger under our bed. It's such a quintessential dad thing to have. As much as I'd love to fantasize that my two large, soft, hairless fists are a sufficient defense against whatever may come our way, I'm not sure me getting my ass kicked is Lizett's best option for protection against another home intruder. So I have--

Haha! I just got a call from a detective (they assign detectives to home break-ins?) at APD and he goes "Stephen? You're not going to believe this but my key works in your lock too!" Then just before my head exploded he says "Heh, kidding! Seriously though, what's going on?" Sweet Mary I just got Gotcha'd by the Austin Police.

--so I have piggybacked onto the ranks of generations of Concerned Dads and purchased a large hunk of Whompin' Stick at my local Sports Authority. My plan, should anyone break in again, is to hand it to Lizett and have her crack me over the head so I don't have to go through the shame of soiling myself while conscious. Good luck with the Bad Man, I'll say--and then the supple, comforting bosom of oblivion. That's love.