My Temporary Nemesis

With the slow summer season hitting and my primary source of IM distraction out of the country all week, I've had naught to do and have thus been reduced to harassing the one coworker in my age bracket (name withheld to protect the innocent), Jan, pretty much nonstop for 8 hours a day. Only by harassing I mean saying kind, sweet, and encouraging things to which she has needlessly and insanely responded with savage threats and insults, such as (but not limited to):

• I hope you catch fire!
• I'm going to light you on fire!
• I'm going to get you fired!
• I'm picturing you engulfed in flames!
• Self-immolate!
• You will burn!
• I'm going to bite your ankles and watch you topple like a tree!
• I'm going to kick you in the shins!
• I'm going to throw a milky way midnight at you!
• I will decapitate you!
• I will destroy you!
• I hate you!
• Unlike you, I'm not a murderer!
• Unlike you, I don't hate children!
• Unlike you, I have a soul!
• Satan!
• White devil!
• Lucifer!
• I will kill you!
• I will execute you!
• I will be sure to blame my psychosis when I do you extreme harm!
• You are about to suffer a violent murder-related death!

Actually I think I might have said some of those. That last one definitely sounds like me. The point is, I'm great, she is the devil, and this is going to be the best President's Day ever.