Reunionesque III: That DOG Is Playing FOOTBALL

Are you mentally prepared for the ride of your life? A long, detailed and only-interesting-to-me account of the weekend's activities, loosely based on fact but wildly exaggerated and in many cases flatly altered to make my adventures seem wackier than they actually were? Perhaps I will steal some pictures of local landmarks from GI and pass them off as my own! Perhaps I will talk about things exploding, or being punched in the face! Perhaps I'll make a Super Troopers reference, or talk about the Death Hook! I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time.

So, no detailed account. Fun was had, shiznittery attained. I summoned a waitress with the ol' chop-chop hand clap. I gave up my previous dream of starting a sitcom and making that joke where someone says "bilingual" and the dumb guy thinks they meant "bisexual" in favor of a new dream of driving a car packed with meat and fresh baked goods off of a cliff. Ball may or may not have engaged in the motorboating of my property. There was a minor car crash and a falsified report of having to pee outside the BK Lounge. Anti-diarrheal medicine was found and ownership denied by all. Later, a chimpanzee pulled this lever that covered us in fish guts from a conveniently played silo and drove off through the wall in an ice cream truck. Finally something exploded and I was all like "Mother of God."